All my life, I had been Southern Baptist. Actively Southern Baptist. Serving in ways women are allowed to serve.

I thought we were people who believed the Bible and worshiped Jesus alone.

Only when I worked for seven years as a ministry leader inside the SBC, did I begin to see how much that was all around me, and in me, was not of God at all.

Only when the degradation I had accepted my whole life erupted into full-blown abuse, did I see how wrong the belittling is – and how subtly we who are routinely demeaned are groomed to accept further abuse.

Within weeks of resigning that position, I agreed to serve as the onsite coordinator for a Beth Moore Living Proof Live event, held in Oklahoma City, June 2006.

And there it was again: the demeaning treatment of women, by other women, as well as by men.

I’ve described those eight years in the posts:

• Behind the façade in the SBC
• Behind the scenes at Living Proof Live

As soon as I began to see, I began to speak up. In 2004, I began appealing in private to SBC leaders who I thought would do what was godly and good. None did.

And yet, after the Living Proof Live event, I believed God wanted me to speak up again. He did not want me to guess what the response would be. He wanted me to find out.

So in July 2006, I wrote Letter #1 below. Ten months later, I sent Letter #2.

In both letters, I appealed to Beth Moore to affirm and honor other women leaders, specifically the women enlisted to coordinate her own events. I appealed to LifeWay, too, to make small but important changes in their treatment of the women enlisted to work with these events.

Letter #1: To Beth Moore and LifeWay

If you’ve experienced spiritual abuse in a cult-like organization, be aware that what follows may trigger you. Be alert to how you’re responding, and take care of yourself.

Frankly, reading back through the exchange of letters in these two posts about Beth Moore and LifeWay triggers me. I relive the pummeling I experienced then – the exploitation and manipulation, belittling and shaming. And also, I feel shame when I see the deferential way I approached those who were mistreating me and others.

I did what I had been taught that good Southern Baptist girls do: I tried to honor people who had persisted in acting abusively. I assumed godly motives and innocent intent.

Today, I remind myself: I was on the cusp of leaving the cult-like system into which I had been born. And I was still learning.

Behind the scenes at Living Proof Live, I’d found a celebrity culture – not the “loving one-anothering” of the church of the living God.

By his grace, I recognized what I was seeing. With all my heart, I cried out for change.

---

July 14, 2006

Dear Beth and Amy,

As one of two city coordinators for the Living Proof Live event just held in Oklahoma City, I’m writing you for two reasons: to thank you, and to appeal to you regarding future events that LifeWay sponsors or where Beth speaks.

Amy, thank you for asking me to take the city coordinator role. Thank you for your kindness and gentle spirit in working with the local team in preparation for the event.

Beth, thank you for continually seeking the Lord in prayer and in His Word, and for seeking Him for a fresh word for each place you go to teach. Thank you for challenging us to trust.

Indeed, the very word trust captures the essence of my appeal. You see, ladies, when LifeWay brings Living Proof Live into a city, this is the message inadvertently sent to the local women invited to be event leaders: “We’re giving you the opportunity to be a part of something big. We’re giving you the privilege of helping us put this event together. We have some responsibilities for you. We have a title for you. We have some gifts for you. But we do not trust you in this thing.”

Yes, you trust us with assigned duties. But you do not trust those you yourselves have designated as local leaders with any contact, prior to the event, with the one coming to bring God’s message to the women of that area.

As you know, Amy, I appealed this policy last August at the city coordinators’ training meeting. When I did, the immediate assumption by the LifeWay staff – expressed in their comments that day – was that my appeal showed selfish motives: Perhaps I had accepted the city coordinator role out of pride over being connected with such an event, or because of a personal need to meet Beth Moore. Definitely a trust issue.

I’ve waited until after the Oklahoma City event to put this appeal into writing to try to make clear that my motives – both for accepting this role and for pressing through with this appeal, in spite of the humiliation that voicing it has already brought me – have to do with a deep desire to see the glory of God radically displayed through His Body.

Last August in Nashville, the first question asked in response to my appeal was, “You don’t want to distract Beth from bringing God’s word to the women, do you?”

Quite the opposite. I believe that isolating the visiting teacher from the local leadership team creates a significant hindrance to the accomplishing of everything God intends to do in and through any given event. Certainly, He can and does move in response to the sincere prayers of local ladies, as well as Beth’s sincere seeking of Him personally.

But something further happens in the spiritual realm, something that is mighty for the shattering of strongholds, when there is a strategic connection made between the one coming in to speak and even a handful of representatives from the area who (1) long to see God work mightily there and (2) are serving in love the women there.

I do appreciate the opportunity we as a planning team had to meet and pray with Beth on Saturday morning of the event, but this was not what I was asking when I made my appeal last August. What is needed is strategic contact prior to the event for two purposes:

Heart exchange: That is, the woman or women representing a certain state/area have an opportunity to explain briefly what they sense is the heart of God for the women of the area, as well as the primary ways the enemy is working to hinder. Also, Beth (or whatever teacher is coming) has the opportunity to explain briefly her most significant needs/concerns, as well as the theme of the message God is putting on her heart for the women.

With proper forethought and prayer, this exchange can be accomplished in just a few minutes. It can be facilitated through the use of technology. (For example, Beth might participate in a portion of the city coordinators’ meeting through a live two-way TV feed.)

This type exchange cannot be accomplished by someone at the meeting taking notes and delivering them to Beth. Nor can it be accomplished through a letter sent from the leader to Beth. Heart exchange requires a personal, two-way connection.

Prayer: In the very months that we were praying for Beth in connection with her coming to Oklahoma City, she was going through a severe fight with physical illness. The local leadership team found out about this through the grapevine after the fact. According to an e-newsletter sent out by Beth herself, many people knew and were praying while the situation was in progress. However, in our numerous contacts with LifeWay, this need was not even mentioned to us.

What this says to local leaders is that we could not be trusted with even a general awareness of a genuine need.

At the Ford Center, before the event started, local women prayed – and Beth and the praise team prayed. What further power would be released by bringing a few local prayer warriors in to pray with the visiting team? What hindered this very thing from happening? Whatever the reasoning may have been, what this communicates to local leaders is, again, that we aren’t trusted.

The connections for “heart exchange” and prayer, or lack thereof, have huge implications:

For the women of the area. This is the key reason I spoke up last August. Freeing women individually hinges in large part on shattering strongholds that are corporately imprisoning the people of an entire area.

As you have observed, Beth, the enemy has been given much leeway in Oklahoma to do his binding, chaos-creating, cruel, deceiving work. Yes, God did show up at the Ford Center. He did respond to the cries of women coming together across denominational lines to seek Him. We saw His mercy drops. But we did not see His further work – His breaking through with sweeping demonstrations of His life-changing power.

Could one hindrance have been the lack of genuine connection between the visiting team and local people? Can I please, please tell you the truth here? Would you please listen to this as the cry of someone who sees a bridge out ahead and is desperate to give warning?

It is an illusion to think that an event team can come into an area and take the authority needed to shatter strongholds, when the person bringing the word from God has no strategic contact with any representatives from the area, when in fact the only ones trusted with personal contact are the representatives of the entity that will gain financially from the event.

For the local women leaders. Again, please hear the sorrow in my heart: It is very demeaning to invite women to take the lead in bringing an event into an area – and then, when they ask to meet briefly with the speaker for the event, to suggest that their doing so is a distraction to the working of God.

It is further demeaning to suggest that, by making this request, these city leaders have the same motive as the various women out there who fight over getting the speaker’s autograph or do crazy stunts to get to shake her hand.

If, indeed, it would feed our pride to meet you, Beth, then we aren’t the right people for the job and should not be chosen. If, on the other hand, the local leaders are the ones God has called out for this task, should they not be treated with honor?

After all, the local leaders are the ones investing their lives in serving the women of that area. Long after the event team has packed up and gone, the local leaders are the ones who will still be crying out to God to move in that place and who will be seeking to cooperate with His doing so.

Giving such women appropriate honor doesn’t puff up. It builds up. It gives them strong encouragement to keep on keeping on. In a church culture that often beats down women, particularly those women seeking to follow God’s call into any sort of leadership role, what an opportunity you have to affirm women God is raising up in any given area!

On the other hand, if LifeWay gives the distinct impression that the local women asked to take a leadership role in their events can’t be trusted, that distrust will breed distrust, leaving leaders and people demoralized.

For Beth: I know there are tremendous logistical and safety issues in regard to connecting with people when thousands esteem you so highly, Beth. But for LifeWay to try to solve those issues by cutting you (or any visiting teacher) off from all genuine contact with the people to whom you are seeking to minister is deadly. It is like cutting an organ out of the body – and then expecting that organ to continue to live and function.

I don’t pretend to know what it looks like for you and other speakers to maintain a healthy connection to the Body with appropriate boundaries. But I would urge: Ask the Spirit of God to help you separate His solutions from religious ones. One ingredient I believe with all my heart is crucial: Trust of and connection with key representatives in every place where you or any speaker is seeking to bring a word from the Lord.

Beth and Amy, how I wish I could have brought this plea to you face-to-face. You would see in my eyes that I’m not speaking in anger. As wonderful as it was when you came to Oklahoma City I’m sad for the “exceedingly abundantly” that could have been. In the future in other places, may the way be thrown wide open for even greater works of God.

Letter #2: To Beth Moore, Thom Rainer

Ten months after sending the letter above, I sent the one below. This time, I sent personalized letters that were almost identical except for the last two paragraphs. (I’ve included both versions.) 

My new appeal cited more concerns, including the way I had been treated since writing Letter #1.

---

May 23, 2007

Dear Beth: [Dear Dr. Rainer:]

In 2006, I served as city coordinator for the Oklahoma City Living Proof Live event. After the event, I wrote a letter appealing to you and to LifeWay women’s event coordinators to make certain policy changes in dealing with the local event teams that LifeWay enlists. Subsequent to receiving the letter, LifeWay employees took actions that appear retaliatory and quite out of keeping with the methods of a Christian organization. Enclosed are copies of letters and e-mails documenting what happened. This correspondence is arranged in chronological order.

My appeal [Letter #1] was sent to Amy Cato, a LifeWay employee with whom I worked on the LPL event for a year. I also sent a copy to you [Beth]. The requested policy changes are small ones, which could be made relatively easily and with little or no expense, yet which would have significant impact (described in detail in my appeal letter).

You will see from the enclosed correspondence that my plea was followed by:

• No response at all from Amy Cato to my letter – though immediately after receiving it, she sent out an e-mail survey to all LPL city coordinators, asking for feedback (to specific questions) and stating, “I welcome you to be as honest and open as you can be.”

The substance of my original appeal was that local event teams be shown greater trust and respect by LifeWay in very do-able ways. In response, the message communicated by LifeWay employees is, “Tell us only what we want to hear.” Further, the rescinding of my writing assignment and book-signing look very much like strong-arm tactics designed to punish me for questioning LifeWay policy.

In addition, there are other matters regarding the relationship of the LifeWay women’s event team to local event teams that I did not address in my letter. These include:

• No budget. When considering taking the city coordinator position, I asked if there was a budget for the local committee. I was told there was none. I was further told, “This has worked fine for everyone else.” This event was attended by 14,000 women, each paying $50. That’s roughly $700,000 in registration fees, not counting the profits from the large LifeWay Book Store set up in four conspicuous locations around the Ford Center. As you’re probably aware, the local team is responsible for (1) enlisting 50 co-host churches, (2) organizing and implementing a prayer strategy, (3) enlisting roughly 200 volunteers, and (4) planning a luncheon for co-host church leaders. Except for a small budget for the luncheon, we had to fund everything else we did out of our own pockets.
• No tickets for core local event team members. The city coordinators for each LPL event are told to gather a local team in order to carry out their responsibilities, My co-coordinator (Linda Stamps-Dissmore, director of women’s ministry for the Assemblies of God in Oklahoma) and I enlisted three other women for our team. After working for months to prepare for Living Proof Live, these women had to pay to attend.
• No significant help toward lasting impact. Having been told that LifeWay’s intent in bringing these events is lasting impact in the community, our local team asked LifeWay for help in launching a prayer network and a women’s ministry leaders network from this event. In particular, we requested LifeWay to print response cards to be given to each woman attending LPL and to allow a local person to speak briefly from the podium, inviting women to participate in these networks. Instead, we were given one PowerPoint slide and a small table at one end of the 18,000-seat Ford Center.

[To Beth Moore only]

Beth, all these issues taken together paint a very sobering picture of how LifeWay Christian Resources operates. In spite of the hits I’ve already taken, I’m again appealing to you, asking that you appeal to LifeWay to address and rectify the issues I’ve described.

The women to whom you are ministering are not being well-treated. Will you speak out on our behalf?

[To Thom Rainer only]

Dr. Rainer, all these issues taken together paint a very sobering picture of how LifeWay Christian Resources operates. Although the response so far seems to be, “You’ll pay for speaking out,” I’m appealing to you, as president of LifeWay, asking that all the issues I’ve described be addressed and made right. As stated in my original plea, I believe the implementation of these suggested changes would greatly enhance the ministry of LifeWay women’s events and enable this ministry to have a more lasting impact on the lives of the women it touches.

I look forward to hearing how this is being done and with what results.

Seeing past the appearances

So that’s what I wrote. What I got in response was smoke and mirrors. See: Beth Moore and LifeWay: The ploy.

Our Father in heaven,
for the honor of your name,  
give us eyes to see, and courage to look,
at the reality behind the appearance of godliness
in the abusive systems masquerading as your church.

---

Image by TanteTati from Pixaba